I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I intend to get homeless drunk
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
