69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
