I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
