Non-Jews are for practice
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Green mimosas i think yes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
this is an emotional support booty call
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
