so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
