Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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