i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
