is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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