I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
