I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
