I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
