I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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