Texts From Last Night

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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.

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  (712): I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well. http://tfl.nu/yae3
  Replies (2) Good night (2228) Bad night (882)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"

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  (717): one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9" http://tfl.nu/v0g1
  Replies (52) Good night (4724) Bad night (1041)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

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  (757): It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like http://tfl.nu/masc
  Replies (81) Good night (9422) Bad night (1646)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?

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  (518): The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right? http://tfl.nu/odtd
  Replies (25) Good night (10371) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.

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  (757): Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/fb35
  Replies (24) Good night (1969) Bad night (5532)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

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  (978): he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/v7b4
  Replies (16) Good night (1648) Bad night (7541)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.

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  (989): I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study. http://tfl.nu/z59m
  Replies (5) Good night (919) Bad night (2712)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.

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  (262): We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool. http://tfl.nu/01zv
  Replies (25) Good night (7593) Bad night (1096)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.

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  (248): This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once. http://tfl.nu/vt1p
  Replies (7) Good night (1210) Bad night (2584)
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  (631): View more from New York

  yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?

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  (631): yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem? http://tfl.nu/eu3b
  Replies (21) Good night (3541) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.

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  (803): the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this. http://tfl.nu/qdyt
  Replies (0) Good night (655) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "

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  (252): Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison " http://tfl.nu/v70i
  Replies (5) Good night (589) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life

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  (219): I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life http://tfl.nu/kbbl
  Replies (4) Good night (527) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.

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  (320): I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis. http://tfl.nu/yg5k
  Replies (2) Good night (1055) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..

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  (631): Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too.. http://tfl.nu/0nji
  Replies (1) Good night (465) Bad night (548)

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