Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.