worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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