i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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