how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
