Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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