i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker