How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
