At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
