Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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