im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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