Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
