so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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