We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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