You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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