k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
