Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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