i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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