Nicole vs. Life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
