Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there is glitter all over my balls
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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