Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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