i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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