I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
