i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
