I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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