From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm getting married
To pizza
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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