she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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