Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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