Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
