Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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