I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
