Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
