oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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