Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
