do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
