How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
