Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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