Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
