I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
