i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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