News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
