they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
