We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
