having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
