My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
