direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
