I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
