are you so shy because you have an std?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
