Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
