I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
