Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
