A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
