sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
