Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
