The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
