What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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