So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
