I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
