If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
